Harold, Emily, George and Catherine were on top of the world. Robert was at the baby sitters and they met for dinner at the Guy de Sade, a steak house in Walnut Creek. Emily and Harold got there early and pulled up to the valet parking. "Good evening my name is Jorge, I will be your valet tonight. May I have your keys? Have a pleasant evening." They moseyed into the bar where a very thin woman was singing a torch song to piano music. They sat at a table near the fountain. It was a beautiful work of art - the fountain, not the song. A pool of water with lights that reflected off the surface. There were jets of water that squirted from the surface intermittently and a continuous stream of natural gas bubbles that ignited when they hit the surface. A sort of Dantesque fountain or a swim meet after Mexican food. The waitress brought drinks - a 7UP for Harold and a white wine for Emily. Harold was driving. The Stones appeared a few minutes later and they were escorted to the table.
First the maitre d' came to the table. "Good Evening. My name is Jacques. I hope your dinner will be a pleasant one. Your waiter this evening is Pierre. Do not hesitate to ask for me if you require anything at all."
"George, I was speaking to the Congressional committee this last..." Harold was quickly interrupted.
"Good Evening. My name is Bob the wine steward."
"Is that Mr. Bob the Wine Steward? Or did your parents name you Bob Wine Steward and you just got into the restaurant business out of necessity?"
"The name is Bob and I am the wine steward. May I be of assistance?"
"We would like a carafe of house white." George cut Harold off to defuse the situation.
"Very good." The steward backed away.
"The Congressional committee wants us to change the biological payload on the..." Harold was again cut off.
"Good Evening. My name is Pierre, I will be serving you tonight. I would like to inform you of our specials. We have the Napolean Bonaparte fresh fish special which is a fillet of salmon broiled over mesquite and served with a parsley butter. We have the Marie Antoinette prime rib which is served with horseradish sauce and capers. We have the Jaques Cousteau seafood special which is a beautiful piece of swordfish broiled and served with shrimp sauce. The Guy de Maupassuante Rabinowitz is a whole Maine lobster stuffed with a medley of blue cheese, proscuitto ham, shrimp, and covered with a cream sauce. Our house specialty is the Guy de Sade. It is a Fillet Mignon which has been filleted, tenderized, marinated, and then flame broiled. It is then bound in bacon, skewered, and then brought to you in total submission. This, in addition to our regular menu which I can read to you if you so require."
"We would like four glasses of water, our drinks, and a few minutes to think." Harold was noticeably curt.
"Thank you." Emily had seen this side of Harold before and wished to silence it before Harold got started.
"The biological payload as you know was going to contain..."
"Good evening, My name is Fred I will be your bus boy this evening. If I may be of any assistance do not hesitate to indicate it."
"Thank you." Emily got there before Harold had a chance.
"The payload was going to contain lichens, bacteria both saprophytes and petroleum fixing..."
"Have you decided on your selection for this evening?" It was Pierre and he was back.
Emily started off. "I would like the swordfish."
"What swordfish Madame?" The waiter raised his eyebrows in confusion.
"Why the swordfish in the special." Emily look surprised.
"We have only five specials. The Napolean Bonaparte fresh fish special which is a fillet of salmon broiled over mesquite and served with a parsley butter. The Marie Antoinette prime rib which is served with horseradish sauce and capers. We have the Jaques Cousteau seafood special which is a beautiful piece of swordfish broiled and served with shrimp sauce. The Guy de Maupassaunte Rabinowitz a whole Maine lobster stuffed with a medley of blue cheese, proscuitto ham, shrimp, and covered with a cream sauce. And our house specialty is the Guy de Sade. It is a Fillet Mignon which has been filleted, tenderized, marinated, and then flame broiled. It is then bound in bacon, skewered, and then brought to you in total submission."
"I would like the swordfish." Emily repeated.
"What swordfish?" The waiter was again surprised.
"Listen, Mr. Pierre, my wife would like the Jaques Cousteau seafood special which is a beautiful piece of swordfish broiled and served with shrimp sauce. That is what swordfish." Harold looked directly into the man's soul and he seemed to understand.
"Soup or salad?"
"Salad with bleu cheese."
"Potato or Rice?"
"Potato with butter, sour cream, and chives."
"Very good."
Catherine was next. "I would like the prime rib."
The waiter checked his menu. "What prime rib?"
It was George's turn. "She would like the prime rib with horseradish and capers."
"We have no such item on the menu monsieur." His foolish little mustache turned up at the corners as he pronounced monsieur.
"She would like the Marie Antoinette prime rib which is served with horseradish sauce and capers." Harold blurted out, almost at a point where he would like to beat him around the face and neck with a large object, to this obviously, previously damaged individual.
"Oh."
"I would like the soup and the rice." Catherine joined the fray.
"Very good Madam. The soup de jour today is potato leek. And for monsieur?" The waiter turned to George.
"I would like the Napolean Bonaparte fresh fish special which is a fillet of salmon broiled over mesquite and served with a parsley butter." George had this jerk's number. "Salad, house dressing, and a potato with butter."
"Soup or Salad?" This was a man who had his baud rate set incorrectly.
"Salad with house dressing." George humored him.
"We have bleu cheese, thousand island, oil and vinegar, and a Chef Bonsoir's lemon herb mustard house dressing."
"The lemon herb mustard dressing."
"Which?" This man was truly obtuse.
"The Chef Bonsoir's lemon herb mustard house dressing." George was about to break.
"Oh."
"Potato or rice?"
"Potato with butter."
"Butter or sour cream?"
"Butter."
"Very good." The waiter quite content, turned to Harold.
"I would like the Guy de Maupasante Rabinowitz, a whole Maine lobster stuffed with a medley of blue cheese, proscuitto ham, shrimp, and covered with a cream sauce. I would also like a salad with Chef Bonsoir's lemon herb mustard house dressing and a potato with butter, sour cream, and chives." Harold spoke slowly because he realized that a man who put the more in moron, thought slowly.
"Any appetizers?"
"No." Rang out from the four.
Harold began again. "The payload was going to contain lichens, bacteria, both saprophytes and petroleum fixing bacteria, but the chairman suggested we include a few plants."
"Which senator is the chairman?" Emily knew Harold could barely remember his own name let alone every congressman and every senator's, but she felt it important to remind him to try.
"You know, the tall thin guy who likes to sing show tunes. What's his name?" Harold liked the guy. He just couldn't remember his name. "He wanted fuchsias and ferns. A bit like a cheap bar, but the idea is a good one. We dump off a lot of spores and seeds and see what grows. It's easier than trying to decide what is good or bad and then spending 500 million bucks per payload."
"Senator Knophf, Harold. Try to remember his name. Knophf, most of the letters are silent." Even Emily knew his name.
"But Harold, is there enough water for plants?" George quickly interjected.
"That is the really exciting news. Plane number seven was orbiting in the dawn area and was hit by rain."
"Rain? You mean that hydrocarbon residue of the algae and bacteria or water?" Catherine interjected.
"Water based rain." Harold was noticeably excited.
"Where did the water vapor come from?" Catherine knew the composition of the Venusian atmosphere as well as the next person at the table. It was about all they talked about these days.
"A volcanic eruption began on the dark side last week and apparently now that the surface temperature is low the water vapor is condensing. There seems to be a rather constant rain storm on the dark side."
"Hallelujah! When do we get beach front property?" It was Emily bringing them back to earth and Pierre with the salads.
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